a dare

let the bad girl out,
my writing teacher said,
and though she meant essay and poem
and nuance and structure and sentence,
i saw it differently, decided
i was doing too much editing altogether,
keeping myself inside my own specific little lines
quiet
small
infintessimal
stilling the pulse of me
the wildness of my wants
the gorgeous mess,
in my secret, terrible heart,
i knew i could make,
apologizing for every little
misstep, miscalculation, or mishap,
and even as i write this i'm realizing
what lovely alliteration that is.

fuck it.
no apologies.
not today.
today i will be grammatically
incorrect, i will
make bold, indelicate remarks,
i will leap
with the whole of my body.
today i will roar from my secret, terrible heart.
today i will forget the lines.
today i will love myself
for the gorgeous mess
i am.

let the bad girl out.
i say this like a mantra,
like a wish,
like a dare.