August 18, 2020

it will all be messy for a little while longer

“I feel a little rough around the edges,” I say to a friend on a video chat, because this is
how it is now. And she replies, “We all are,” through from where I’m standing she looks
beautiful, glowing, a midday California sun arrowing photogenically on her cheekbones,
so I tell her so. She says, “I like you in that blue hat” and “It’s so good to see your face,”
and I think about how much faster we’ve gotten with telling the truth. I hit “record”
again, say something about the latest harvest from our garden, about my mother’s 
upcoming visit, and she says something about the date she’ll go on after her
appointment with the therapist. It will all be messy for a little while longer, but we don’t 
say any of that. Instead, I pan the camera to a body of water and she says, “Where is 
Scott Street?” and we say “I love you” and “Talk soon,” because this is how it is now, too.